Written by Allison Rennie
Mary Jo Leddy, activist, teacher, director of Romero House, Order of Canada recipient, author of Radical Gratitude has spoken of how limited, even stunted we are in our ability to truly apologise. She says we usually avoid full responsibility by using tricky language in our apologies such as “I am sorry you felt that way about what I did”. And, she’s right. I’ve done that.
She recommends an uncompromising and direct owning of personal responsibility.
Her formula: I did it. I meant to do it. It hurt you. I am sorry.
I have taken her wisdom to heart and strive to own up for my behaviours when I have hurt others. Try it – it’s a good formula!
This week after a profound opportunity of listening with some members of the AA community, I will extend Mary Jo Leddy’s formula with one more phrase: I commit to not repeating the harm.
One of the speakers said: “Saying sorry is just letting myself off the hook. It doesn’t change anything for the people around me. Committing not to do the harm again is the decision that actually makes life better for the people I have harmed. “
I did it.
I meant to do it.
It hurt you.
I am sorry.
I won’t do it again.
Thanks Mary Jo, Margaret, Mum and all my wise elders.