Written by: Derek Bisset
Ayaan Hirsi Ali had the story of who she was beaten into her.
Every day as a little girl her grandmother made her recite a long list of names of her ancestors. They were her clan. She was bound to them and their descendants.
Anyone not of the clan was untrustworthy and should be treated with suspicion.
From her mother she learned she was a girl and as such she should learn to be obedient and submissive. She should prepare for a life as a wife and mother. She saw her mother as bitter and angry about her own life, but willing to beat her daughter if she questioned the rules. Life was hard in a village in Somalia and there was hard work to be done maintaining a home.
The only bright spot in her bleak life was a father whom she adored. He believed that girls should learn to be independent. Ali learned to read at his insistence and began to learn about another life from books as she grew older. And as she grew older she also learned that her father's long absences were more than related to his important government work. They were the cause of her mother's bitterness. A man could have other wives, other families.
Her father also believed in marriage within the clan, and supported the women in arranging a forced marriage for Ali when she was of age. The growing rebellion in her erupted and she fled her home, her family and her culture. After a series of moves amongst clan members obligated to help her because of kinship ties, she ended by chance in a refugee camp in Holland.
Culture shock was mind numbing. Religious beliefs mattered little. Girls went about independently. They were educated and held jobs. They did not cover their bodies for fear of men. They interacted openly with men.
Ali contrasted the behaviour of the Dutch girls with the Somali women in the camp. She had to choose: she could stay within familiar customs as nearly all of them did; stick to the rules of the religion, be submissive and wait for a husband and complain that the Dutch people were not looking after you properly. She had no hesitation. She would become a member of the society that had welcomed and sheltered her. She went to college, got a job, became politically active in support of women and became an elected member of the Dutch parliament.
But this had its costs. She was rejected by other Somalis. She was seen as a traitor and outcast.
Most hurtful of all she was rejected by her family when news of her behaviour got back to them. Most of all she found her beloved father turned against her.
She was approached by a Dutch film maker, Theo Van Gogh, and agreed to take part in his project to make a film depicting the life of women within her religion. By this time she was ready to reject her religion completely, blaming it for the ill treatment women received in the culture. The short film caused a violent reaction. Van Gogh was found stabbed to death and a note on his body indicated that it was done as a warning to Ayaan Hirsi Ali.
She had to flee Europe and now lives in the United States under constant threat, speaking out continually about the evils of an extreme religion with its consequences for the lives of women. She writes articles and books despite the danger she is in and has to have bodyguards with her.
Her book Infidel tells the story she grew up absorbing and the wrenching and pain it took to change. Most of all she regrets the gulf between her and her father.
The tangled story we carry about who we are is a powerful one. It is comforting to stay within the familiar, family, friends, people with beliefs like our own. Deciding to be different and changing the direction of our personal story as Ayaan Hirsi Ali did requires enormous effort and the cost can be extreme. Only remarkable people seem to be able to do it.